Dear Abby: Hubby’s epiphany came too late

Dear Abby For nearly years my husband and I shared a close trusting marriage Months ago I caught him lying about meetings he was having with a -year-old colleague Then I discovered months of ongoing texts When I appealed for an explanation he became angry and defensive His explanation was it was work-related that I was too controlling and that I was making a big deal out of nothing Because I considered this was not a trivial situation I pressed for specific resolution Unfortunately further discussions were heated with no resolve just more withdrawn behavior while the communications continued Of late he informed me that he realizes his behavior was unacceptable and he has ceased the communication He mentioned he loves only me and he wants me to trust him again My obstacle is after all his secrecy lies and defensiveness I can t do that He now carries on like nothing has happened hoping to regain my trust But for me the trust has been broken After multiple years of what I thought was a loving marriage I was blindsided I have inevitably valued your advice so please help me to put things in perspective Blindsided in Michigan Dear Blindsided For nearly years you had what you thought was a solid relationship with your husband It is now apparent that he screwed up royally My question to you is What do YOU want from now on It IS workable to rebuild trust after infidelity but it will take work from both of you Do you want to sacrifice what you and your husband built together and forge ahead on your own Your husband cannot act like nothing has happened because something did If the two of you are open to healing your broken marriage it may require the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist and it may take various time The ball is in your court Dear Abby Carole and I have been friends for -plus years Her marriage was great as long as her husband wasn t using drugs When he was using he would abuse her verbally physically and emotionally He passed away and she s now dating an abusive alcoholic When he s not drinking which is maybe three days a month he s very sweet I have tried telling her that she s enabling him but she says she loves him How can I get her to open her eyes before something bad happens Worried Friend in Arizona Dear Friend What Carole REALLY means when she says she loves this addict is that she necessities the companionship he provides and she s willing to put up with the abuse for three good days a month Physical condition care providers are required to make a overview if they provide therapeutic services to a person who they suspect is suffering from an injury due to abuse Short of hauling her to an urgency room if he physically abuses her there is nothing you can do to save her Let her know you are there for her in times of need and give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline - - - Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA