Dear Abby: Dad tells family I cut him off — not true

Dear Abby My father and I have had a contentious relationship since I was a teenager Despite being raised in his house my values are different from his and he takes it personally I left home as soon as I was old enough and have lived the way I want since then After a couple of years of not seeing each other my father inquired if we could be in more regular contact We tried that and it went badly Every conversation ended in a fight When I reported him we needed a family counselor to help us find common ground he absolutely refused Now he s telling our relatives that I cut off contact with him and am keeping him from my kids This isn t true I yearned us to work with a mediator to find a healthier way of talking with each other I am no longer sure it is realistic He is involving my siblings aunts and cousins and making them choose sides How do I protect the relationships I have with the rest of my family if he keeps acting like a jerk For what it s worth My life is pretty boring I m and married and I have a college degree and a solid job We live in a house in a nice neighborhood and watch our kids play soccer on the weekends My Own Man in Missouri Dear Own Man How has that isolation plan of your father s been working Do you have good relationships with the rest of your family If you haven t already give your relatives chapter and verse about your father s controlling behavior Make it clear to them that you would like to have a relationship with your dad but unless he is willing to accept professional mediation you cannot have one You have all the ingredients for a happy life It will be yours if you can resist your father s coercion Dear Abby My mother passed away in recent days and my brother who lives nearby is clearing out her house He solicited me if there was anything I requested from the house and I communicated him I yearned the photographs of my children when they were young which I had sent to my mother over the years as I live overseas I suggested he send them to my daughter in New York as she will be coming to visit me in a minimal months and can bring them My brother mailed the pictures and my daughter opened the package Upon seeing the pictures she decided she required to keep the ones she is in and to pass to her sister also in New York the ones she is in She asserts they are hers I say they are not She was only meant to be a messenger to bring them to me I offered to make copies or to scan them and email them to her She is now not speaking to me Who is right and what should I do Picture-Less in Israel Dear Picture-Less You are right As you stated the pictures could have been copied for your daughters if they wished That your daughter is no longer speaking to you over this tells me there may be other family issues between you and your daughters If I were you I d take this into consideration when drafting my will Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA